Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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