I wish I only lived at night.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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