as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
