was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just want to make out with him forever
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
