My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She announced her abortion via fbk
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
