I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
