Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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