Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
