getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize