Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
