Don't you send me to vm
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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