my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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