giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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