I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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