i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
