I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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