1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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