I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
