I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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