The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
