i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
