I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
