he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
