Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
