I seem to have left my pride at pride
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
