This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
