i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
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I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
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My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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