need another drink. this is the easiest way
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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