This girl is more easily done than said...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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