I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
