I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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