and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
And then he peed in my hair
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