His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
