So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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