If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
