grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
