i may or may not be watching the land before time
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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