wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
