stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
