After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
