Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
