At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
