just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
