she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
it's like iHOP with fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize