I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
