Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
