I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
