Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize