too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
