That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
