If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
