That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
