I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
