we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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