I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I currently don't understand fingers.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
