some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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