I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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