Moan for me like Helen Keller
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
