and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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