I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
