i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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