Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
