I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
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I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
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i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni