Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.