I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
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He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
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We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.