Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes