He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.