I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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