I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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