Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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